Not 10 years ago. Or are you running the same pattern? Because I believe that the invisible force of internal drive, activated, is the most important thing in the world. All of us here have great minds.
You know? Most of us here have great minds, right? And with our minds we can rationalize anything. We can make anything happen. We can — I agree with what was described a few days ago, about this idea that people work in their self-interest. And what I would like to maybe invite you to do by the end of this talk is explore where you are today, for two reasons. One: so that you can contribute more.
And two: so that hopefully we cannot just understand other people more, but maybe appreciate them more, and create the kinds of connections that can stop some of the challenges that we face in our society today.
What makes the difference in their performance? How do you make a change? Whether it be your business, your contribution to society, money — whatever it is for you — your body, your family. But the other lesson of life that is rarely mastered is the art of fulfillment.
Because science is easy, right? We know the rules. You write the code. You follow the — and you get the results. You can only feel so much by yourself. Like all the resources they say they need.
Once you know the game, you just up the ante, don't you? But when it comes to fulfillment — that's an art. The reason is, it's about appreciation and contribution. You can only feel so much by yourself. I've had an interesting laboratory to try to answer the real question how somebody's life changes if you look at them like those people that you've given everything to? Like all the resources they say they need. You gave not a dollar computer, but the best computer.
You gave them love, joy, were there to comfort them. Those people very often — you know some of them — end up the rest of their life with all this love, education, money and background going in and out of rehab. Some people have been through ultimate pain, psychologically, sexually, spiritually, emotionally abused — and not always, but often, they become some of the people that contribute the most to society.
The question we've got to ask ourselves really is, what is it? What is it that shapes us? We live in a therapy culture. Most of us don't do that, but the culture's a therapy culture, the mindset that we are our past. And you wouldn't be in this room if you bought that, but most of society thinks biography is destiny.
The past equals the future. Of course it does if you live there. But what we know and what we have to remind ourselves — because you can know something intellectually and then not use it, not apply it. We've got to remind ourselves that decision is the ultimate power.
When you ask people, have you failed to achieve something significant in your life? TR: Thanks for the interaction on a high level there. But if you ask people, why didn't you achieve something?
Somebody who's working for you, or a partner, or even yourself. When you fail to achieve, what's the reason people say? What do they tell you? Didn't have the knowledge, didn't have the money, didn't have the time, didn't have the technology.
I didn't have the right manager. They are a claim to you missing resources, and they may be accurate. You may not have the money, or the Supreme Court, but that is not the defining factor. And you correct me if I'm wrong. The defining factor is never resources; it's resourcefulness. And what I mean specifically, rather than just some phrase, is if you have emotion, human emotion, something that I experienced from you the day before yesterday at a level that is as profound as I've ever experienced and I believe with that emotion you would have beat his ass and won.
Idiot, Robbins. But I know when we watched the debate at that time, there were emotions that blocked people's ability to get this man's intellect and capacity.
And the way that it came across to some people on that day — because I know people that wanted to vote in your direction and didn't, and I was upset. But there was emotion there.
Do you know what I'm talking about? TR: So, emotion is it. And if we get the right emotion, we can get ourselves to do anything. If you're creative, playful, fun enough, can you get through to anybody, yes or no? If you don't have the money, but you're creative and determined, you find the way. This is the ultimate resource.
But this is not the story that people tell us. They tell us a bunch of different stories. They tell us we don't have the resources, but ultimately, if you take a look here, they say, what are all the reasons they haven't accomplished that? He's broken my pattern, that son-of-a-bitch.
What determines your resources? We've said decisions shape destiny, which is my focus here. If decisions shape destiny, what determines it is three decisions. What will you focus on? You have to decide what you're going to focus on. Consciously or unconsciously. Is this the end or the beginning? Is God punishing me or rewarding me, or is this the roll of the dice?
An emotion creates what we're going to do, or the action. So, think about your own life, the decisions that have shaped your destiny. And that sounds really heavy, but in the last five or 10 years, have there been some decisions that if you'd made a different decision, your life would be completely different? How many can think about it? Better or worse.
Say, "Aye. So the bottom line is, maybe it was where to go to work, and you met the love of your life there, a career decision.
I know the Google geniuses I saw here — I mean, I understand that their decision was to sell their technology. What if they made that decision versus to build their own culture? How would the world or their lives be different, their impact? The history of our world is these decisions. When a woman stands up and says, "No, I won't go to the back of the bus. That decision shaped our culture. Or someone standing in front of a tank.
Or being in a position like Lance Armstrong, "You've got testicular cancer. You've got it in your brain; you've got it in your lungs. But what was his decision of what to focus on? Different than most people. What did it mean? It wasn't the end; it was the beginning. He goes off and wins seven championships he never once won before the cancer, because he got emotional fitness, psychological strength.
That's the difference in human beings that I've seen of the three million I've been around. In my lab, I've had three million people from 80 countries over the last 29 years. And after a while, patterns become obvious. You see that South America and Africa may be connected in a certain way, right? Others say, "Oh, that sounds ridiculous.
So, what shaped Lance? What shapes you? Two invisible forces. Very quickly. One: state. We all have had times, you did something, and after, you thought to yourself, "I can't believe I said or did that, that was so stupid.
It wasn't your ability; it was your state. Your model of the world is what shapes you long term. Your model of the world is the filter. That's what's shaping us. It makes people make decisions. To influence somebody, we need to know what already influences them.
It's made up of three parts. First, what's your target? What are you after? It's not your desires. You can get your desires or goals. Who has ever got a goal or desire and thought, is this all there is? It's needs we have. I believe there are six human needs. Second, once you know what the target that's driving you is and you uncover it for the truth — you don't form it — then you find out what's your map, what's the belief systems that tell you how to get those needs.
Some people think the way to get them is to destroy the world, some people, to build, create something, love someone. There's the fuel you pick. So very quickly, six needs. Let me tell you what they are. First one: certainty. These are not goals or desires, these are universal. Everyone needs certainty they can avoid pain and at least be comfortable. Now, how do you get it? Control everybody? Develop a skill? Give up? Smoke a cigarette? And if you got totally certain, ironically, even though we need that — you're not certain about your health, or your children, or money.
If you're not sure the ceiling will hold up, you won't listen to any speaker. While we go for certainty differently, if we get total certainty, we get what?
What do you feel if you're certain? You know what will happen, when and how it will happen, what would you feel? Bored out of your minds. So, God, in Her infinite wisdom, gave us a second human need, which is uncertainty. We need variety. We need surprise. How many of you here love surprises?
TR: Bullshit. You like the surprises you want. The ones you don't want, you call problems, but you need them. So, variety is important. Have you ever rented a video or a film that you've already seen?
Who's done this? Get a fucking life. Why are you doing it? You're certain it's good because you read or saw it before, but you're hoping it's been long enough you've forgotten, and there's variety. Third human need, critical: significance. We all need to feel important, special, unique. You can get it by making more money or being more spiritual.
You can do it by getting yourself in a situation where you put more tattoos and earrings in places humans don't want to know. Whatever it takes. The fastest way to do this, if you have no background, no culture, no belief and resources or resourcefulness, is violence. If I put a gun to your head and I live in the 'hood, instantly I'm significant. Zero to How high? How certain am I that you're going to respond to me? How much uncertainty? Who knows what's going to happen next? Kind of exciting.
Like climbing up into a cave and doing that stuff all the way down there. Total variety and uncertainty. And it's significant, isn't it? So you want to risk your life for it. So that's why violence has always been around and will be around unless we have a consciousness change as a species.
You can get significance a million ways, but to be significant, you've got to be unique and different. Here's what we really need: connection and love, fourth need. We all want it; most settle for connection, love's too scary.
Who here has been hurt in an intimate relationship? If you don't raise your hand, you've had other shit, too. And you're going to get hurt again. Aren't you glad you came to this positive visit?
Here's what's true: we need it. We can do it through intimacy, friendship, prayer, through walking in nature. If nothing else works for you, don't get a cat, get a dog, because if you leave for two minutes, it's like you've been gone six months, when you come back 5 minutes later. These first four needs, every human finds a way to meet. Even if you lie to yourself, you need to have split personalities. I call the first four needs the needs of the personality.
The last two are the needs of the spirit. And this is where fulfillment comes. You won't get it from the first four.
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